i am bored

[dubdobdee]

i. yet again no work has turned up today -- i will be frantic busy next week >:(
ii. i have bin doin this job for nine and a half years, and that is too long
iii. i sense my hinkiness and diffidence about ordinary lovely daily friendships is getting some of my friends down (it is not meant as any kind of a diss but how can it not come across as that?)
iv. i am stuck in the middle of all kinds of projects which are all grinding exceeding slow
v. i am constantly getting over-excited about glimmers of movement which turn out to be slight at most
vi. yes i am on the move but way not fast enough (this feels so but i have no idea what it means)
vii. i feel like i am spinning ever-more plates high in the air in the secret hope that a huge grand smash is coming -- i have done this before, in fact i do it about every ten years more or less

Comments

[dubdobdee.livejournal.com]

haha CLUE i have just been writin up my notes to the piece i am writing about C0NTR0L, the j0y d!v movie

[freakytigger.livejournal.com]

How central do you think ii is to the problem? I know I get dreadfully itchy, resentful, irritable, melancholic etc after 3 years so god knows how 9 must feel!

Was the outcome of vii last time a good or bad thing on the whole?

[dubdobdee.livejournal.com]

i think it is work-related and non-work-related both, kind of a perfect storm of restless dissatisfaction brewing

outcome of vii was a good thing mostly: i completely broke a friendship i wish i hadn't, which i am thus a bit wary of doin same again this time, but i was keeping everything in my own secret head back then, whuich i don't any more, thx interwebs!

[dubdobdee.livejournal.com]

and vii. time before that = me walkin out of nme over uselessness of rattle and hum!

[nicolars.livejournal.com]

Good call, that one.

[atommickbrane.livejournal.com]

Hello Dr Sparky, what does HINKINESS mean?

[dubdobdee.livejournal.com]

twitchy and bridling, no longer at comfy one with? when sipowicz in nypd blue spots a wrong un, he can tell bcz the wrong un seems "hinky"

contributory factor

[dubdobdee.livejournal.com]

i don't know which is the chicken and which is the egg here really, but since i lost weight i have a fvckload of spare physical energy to deal with, and not yet very many good habits dealing with it

what i shd in fact do when i get a spare empty hour at work is walk down to ironmonger row baths and swim 20 lengths

Re: contributory factor

[byebyepride.livejournal.com]

I am in opposite position -- putting on weight again and lacking in energy all the time -- so ending up in my usual bind of having loads of plans and schemes and commitments to write X or Y but not really feeling up to carrying them through.

Re: contributory factor

[byebyepride.livejournal.com]

Although I suppose lots of energy has gone into moving, and I am having a bit of a grump with work about what I should be doing with my time, specifically over what I should apply for research leave to do (I don't want to get painted into a Scot Lit corner!).

i said egg

[dubdobdee.livejournal.com]

maybe i should have a baby!

Re: i said egg

[freakytigger.livejournal.com]

If you did the ten-year itch would usefully coincide with THEM getting bored of YOU!

[anthonyeaston.livejournal.com]

a bit like lady lazarus, no--there is a lesson in that text, i think, though maybe not one featuring heads and/or ovens.

much luv

[dubdobdee.livejournal.com]

heh, yes, well i think there is an element of PAY ATTENTION TO ME drama queeniness about all this, yes -- but sylvia's deaths-head stuff is not to the point at all, with me it is at worst a tantrum to shake myself out of sloth, by forcing myself to cope with the fallout of my misbehaviour

[anthonyeaston.livejournal.com]

i didnt mean to be unkind, i do care for you...

[dubdobdee.livejournal.com]

don't worry! i was amused not cross -- i am in no danger of harming myself

[anthonyeaston.livejournal.com]

is this where we hug?