anger management

[dubdobdee]

ok i walked home from work in a hypervile temper, for what kinda sorta amounts to no very good reason

a: partly it was low blood sugar
b: partly it was i thought i wz meetin up w.someone tonight and hadn't heard and was really furious as they have cancelled on me several times recently and i didn't know why they hadn't today let me know and apologised this time, if they were doin it again (turns out i had misunderstood and am in fact meetin them on saturday, oops)
c: partly it was that, as a result of researchin by the interwebs a TV prog i am writing a feature on, i read an old (unrelated) blog post by someone i have in recent months taken a slightly irrational dislike to (it's not the dislike that's irrational really so much as the intensity of it, which is quite unlike me and truth to tell rather frightens me): anyway what amplified my temper was that this particular blog post i almost entirely AGREED with -- it's a territory the blogger's good on -- except now the spiteful tone and the defensive self-regard seem to jump out at me with faceslapping force; as if to say everything is right about it except the reason it's been written (i don't actually believe this last -- it's just that convincing myself of something like this would make it much easier to get into the guts of what's wrong with the thinking, and why the blogger veers so extremely between smart perceptions and deeply stupid and destructive generalisations)

the crossness has totally utterly dissolved now, probably bcz today it was driven by a and b, and i am careful usually to avoid c (which is a bit cowardly of me, but i just really dislike disliking ppl)

Comments

[dubdobdee.livejournal.com]

d: additional = this fkn weather, i need to get back to swimming every day, get myself out of my head, even if it does make me sleepy

[http://users.livejournal.com/xyzzzz__/]

The weather is kinda ok, not too hot, bits of rain...swimming is always good, wish I myself could get back on the habit of going.

[byebyepride.livejournal.com]

Don't really have anything helpful to say but I'll swap you for my general and corrosive cynicism about the academic study of english lit which is bleeding back into my relations with my colleagues - not making me look good - and is at least in part magnified by the general gloom surrounding me and C while she's ill. Why, when asked by the senior Professor what I thought of a soon-to-be colleague's conference paper (given that said senior Prof is new and steered the hiring committee), was I unable to say anything other than 'I'm sure she'll be a good teacher' after a very long silence. How easy would it have been to lie! But if all I feel I have to go on in determining my integrity is my dissent, if I compromise that I'm lost. or found maybe. grrr.

[dubdobdee.livejournal.com]

i was actually a bit taken aback by this particular emo-spasm: it really did come out of nowhere over nothing much, i am genuinely feeling on top of most things currently and not put out at most others... i've set myself a ton of projects over the next two or three months which are doable and exciting (you are slightly involved in some of em), and i actually (when not super-grumpy) know a non-warlike way out of the impasse that's causing c to metastasize so much in my head -- i mean a way to turn it into something constructive for all concerned -- the problem being that the warlike also beckons, and i'm much more torn about giving in to it than i've ever been with any previous pseudo-feud

[koganbot]

Mind if I speculate on the identity of the blogger?

(1) Perez Hilton
(2) Terry Eagleton
(3) Kim Jong-il