why my work is weird at the moment

[dubdobdee]

i. recent boss returned and promised to find me work elsewhere
ii. new boss turned up and recent boss called herself "my biggest fan"
iii. all-morning meeting with overseer consultant abt immediate future, i ranted A LOT abt the failings of senior management in the past and worked myself into a lather abt how GREAT MAGAZINES ARE w.ref.to old days at the w!re and etc
iv. i pointed out that if i wz gnna take on greater editorial responsibility ftb new boss will be doin lots of "publisher" type stuff, i NEED TO BE PAID PROPERLY FOR IT (overseer consultant: "fair enough")
v. talked a lot abt the website -- they have half the infrastructure in place and i'm doing basic subbing work, which is makin it VERY EVIDENT they don't know what they need and are missing, i keep pointin this out but it seems not to be bein heard
vi. i have backed myself into a corner where i apply for the role they need
vii. i mentioned this at the meeting but put it -- a bit insanely but also truthfully -- in terms of "applying for it hoping not to get it bcz i don't want to do it"
viii. i REALLY REALLY BADLY FEEL I WANT TO MOVE ON TO PASTURES NEW
ix. my method currently seems to be agreeing to do more work and be more indispensably integrated in the structure as is
x. after this meeting a cow-irker sed "mark YOU ARE ALREADY TOTALLY INDISPENSIBLE if you go all falls"
xi. if so why i am not being paid remotely adequately? bcz i have not looked for other work and threatened to leave
xii. by the end of the day i was quite fired up abt staying and putching for more responsiblity and THEN SOME ROUTINE SUBBING WORK CAME THRU LAST MINUTE for the website and i realised how cluelessly all at sea they are, and how i have no idea how to re-position myself to get them to listen to me on this

Comments

[byebyepride.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you need your own magazine to be editor-in-chief of.

!!

[dubdobdee.livejournal.com]

exactly

(editor-in-chief slash sub-editor haha)

Re: !!

[byebyepride.livejournal.com]

talking of slash, my Ivanhoe seminar yesterday degenerated into a Richard / Ivanhoe fest so I sent everyone home early :-)

[dubdobdee.livejournal.com]

my gay friend russell who is training as a counsellor sed -- i think asboluytely correctly -- that i need to do a pros and cons list re staying and moving, which this is sort of a first teeny step towards

i am realising that EVERYTHING for me is currently tangled up in everything else and my (bad) instinct is to wait for the whole choke to free at once -- erm which ususally requires some kind of emotional dynamiting

haha i have noticed that IF ASKED i am no longer so bad at saying "i am really good at this", but i'm still not good at steering the convo towards BEING ASKED (esp.when it's a convo w.people i don't know)

"asboluytely"

[dubdobdee.livejournal.com]

[sp.?]

[byebyepride.livejournal.com]

I think the indispensable thing is an emotional trap that they are trying to pull on you, and that you are pulling on yourself a little bit, and that's not meant to sound harsh! i.e. it is a way of locking up the difficulty of deciding on both sides: for them, how much is mark worth? and for you, how much do I think I'm worth to them, and how much is this job worth for me?

So I guess the pros and cons thing is a good idea, cos whether you stay or go you have articulated to yourself why you're there, what the limits of your felt responsibility towards the mag are. Also if your role is renamed / renegotiated you could become e.g. 'ace mag / web editorial consultant' as something you could offer elsewhere, or map out better where you get to say 'no, won't, sorry' to specific requests in order to clear time for big personal projects.

[byebyepride.livejournal.com]

I am really bad at doing this, so I am not one to advise really. My boss asked me on Friday 'when did you decide to become an academic' and my answer was something along the lines of 'but I never did and I'm still not sure I DO want to be one' so I guess I really ought to sh1t or get off the pot, whatever the saying is. i.e. If I could prioritise what I DO aim to do AS WELL, I would be better able to articulate why I DO want to be an academic (since it is not a bad job, I enjoy lots of it, I would be mad to give it up, and it definitely allows me time to pursue other projects if I had something else I really felt I wanted to do e.g. long-range consulting editor for mark 'n' frank's mega-mag or whatevs)

[dubdobdee.livejournal.com]

fsov "mega"

[byebyepride.livejournal.com]

fsov?

[alexmacpherson.livejournal.com]

I need to figure out whether I should make overt "I want to leave" noises or not before finding anything else: I am terrified of financial consequences though tbh have enough to keep me going for a few months at least. I wouldn't mind (much) staying on but going part-time - no idea how feasible this is. There is one editing role I do which I would quite like to carry on with - could easily do this as freelance but not sure how much I should be asking should it come to that! Blaaaah. And through it all have signally failed to update CV :(

[blue-russian.livejournal.com]

from the outside, let me just state the obvious for you: viii IS IN ALL CAPS. in a way, all is decided, the question is just when and how, isn't it?

i think the pros and cons idea is a good one, too -- a non-aggressive way to work toward something that may have quite aggressive consequences

[koganbot]

Emphasizing what blue_russian just said: viii IS IN ALL CAPS.

Perhaps as halfway measure you could promise to do all the work that they've been wanting you to do at the current rate of pay, but on the condition that they change magazine name from CR4FTS to ALEXANDRIA FATHER FUCKER TIMES and put Britney Spears on the cover of the next issue. (Though I suppose if you're being shunted Webward, this might not be particularly pertinent.)

Another suggestion, which is quite serious except you really should be doing something else: you could give notice, set yourself up as a freelance consultant on just the very tasks that they're asking you to do, and have them as one of your clients for which you do those things, but at a rate of pay something like twice as much as what they're paying you now. (I have a friend who's a structural engineer who more or less did this; she quit, set up her own business, but sometimes gets called in to work by her former employers, who pay her at THREE TIMES the rate she got when she was on staff.)