dubdobdee | i dremt i dremt: in the bleak mid-ether dept

ok i dremt that i was driving, and in fact attmepting to negotiate a complex lane-changin manoeuvre ata vast motorways-merge roundabout, and that i DICKED IT UP rather spectacularly, managing to skid and stall mid-traffic. At which point an angry scouser opened my passenger door, jumped in and sarted berating me for considering myself competent to be in charge of a car. I defended myself feebly: "I'm not always this bad etc etc" -- but he would not be mollified, and demanded I drive him to the cemetary so he could indicate where I and others would end up if I did not go relearn how to handle a vehicle. The final bit of the journey to the cemetary involved a trudge across a vast frozen, ploughed field during which time I attempted to escape by taking a whack at him with my skateboard (!) but he twitched it out of m hand and started ranting again about my uselessness. THEN I WOKE UP.

OK this is a baroque anxiety dream ostensibly about driving: hence -- I suppose, since driving does not in waking life make me anxious -- about CONTROL and how people are going to respond to my loss of it.

In what ways have I lost it? This year has been a bit of a grind, up a certain point -- except then it suddenly became, to be honest, a lot of fun. Some of my best writing (some of it with possible argumentative consequences, wth a bit of luck); generally I feel I have finally begun - with the enthusiastic help of others -- to dismantle some of the intellectual-emotional prison I made for myself in my 20s and 30s. ("Recklessly entertaining!" -- an enthusiast of prison dismantlings)

So I guess this could all come with a sense of vulnerability too? What happens if I throw caution to the winds when I am not ready etc etc. Anyway, this is how I was a bit glumly processing it first thing this morning. Saturnine structure = an all-body cast after the smash blah blah.

Except then I remembered there was a message from my bank from yesterday to ring them urgently. Turns out -- courtesy my very belated invoicing recently ftb I have had more important things on my mind -- that I have cannoned into my overdraft limit and my mortgage and card repayment DDs have been declined as per every six months since time began. This is utterly normal bad-accountancy uselessness I am quite comfy with! I am not competent to drive a bank balance and EVERYONE IN DREMT-DREMT LIVERPOOL KNOWS IT. I will pop in shortly and blame everything on the excellent postal strike. HURRAH for classic