dubdobdee | in a sense there is nothing that is not a maggot pie

dad is more than ever on a journey from the quotidian to the slightly strange in conversation: absolutely plain observation of his not very exciting surroundings salted with random dream intrusion, people or things not actually there referred to or addressed... but about his condition he is as direct and lucid and stoically unwoeful as always. when i asked just now how he thought today went he said: "very good indeed, very thorough -- not at all positive though," and this is exactly right; he is frailer, in ways he will not recoup; we have decisions to make about the nature of care and the nature of surgical intrusion which, once made, will be irrevocable, and which if made, must not be made too late... not endgame yet, but the first clear sight of its arriving beginning, i think; the first time i have felt i need to say to elderly friends and relatives they should not put off visiting him

(also -- no one's fault really -- an incredibly tiresome hospital visit: the royal shrewsbury is a good hospital, and a pretty big one; this afternoon, in its vast sweep of car-parks there was absolutely not a sliver of room anywhere -- cars were parked on neighbouring lawns even... i slotted it into a faraway staff car-park and trusted that the disabled badge, which is of course entirely valid, would ward off officious clampers; this meant i had as long a walk as possible to out-patients, and at the end had to leave dad parked in a hallway while i fetched the car round, to bundle him in unceremoniously, in an ambulance bay where i should not have been, except there was literally nowhere else... i steel myself to assume that none of the many disabled parking spaces are filled with the cheekily able helping themselves)

the mere mention of tilly lights his face up: that's nice -- i'm glad he's spent plenty of time with her this year; his current carer -- returning from two years back -- is one of my favourites and his; his oldest local friend, moved away some years ago to be near her grandchildren, is over to visit tomorrow; a tough visit but not a bad one, fingers x-ed