i am bored

i. yet again no work has turned up today -- i will be frantic busy next week >:(
ii. i have bin doin this job for nine and a half years, and that is too long
iii. i sense my hinkiness and diffidence about ordinary lovely daily friendships is getting some of my friends down (it is not meant as any kind of a diss but how can it not come across as that?)
iv. i am stuck in the middle of all kinds of projects which are all grinding exceeding slow
v. i am constantly getting over-excited about glimmers of movement which turn out to be slight at most
vi. yes i am on the move but way not fast enough (this feels so but i have no idea what it means)
vii. i feel like i am spinning ever-more plates high in the air in the secret hope that a huge grand smash is coming -- i have done this before, in fact i do it about every ten years more or less